From a YES student: What I’ve learned about women’s roles

Amanda Wesleha is a YES student from Taraba State, Nigeria. Amanda has been living in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and attending Cedar Rapids Washington High School this year through the U.S. State Department’s Youth Exchange and Study Program.

Amanda wrote the following post about how her views on women’s rights and roles have changed during the eight months she’s lived in Iowa.

Growing up in Nigeria, I was taught that a woman’s place was in the kitchen and that the man was the head of the house.

Not only did I learn this from my family, but I also learned this from school. A woman is supposed to obey her husband, go shopping, cook and take care of the kids. Technically, the woman is the organizer, cook and comforter of the husband.

When I came to the United States, that was the only opinion I had, and I assumed it was that way everywhere in the world.

I always felt it was unfair. Growing up was depressing… knowing my life had already been planned — get a husband that can pay my bride price, cook and bear children, be obedient and comfort him — or my life as a Nigerian woman would never be complete or accomplished.

While I’ve been in Iowa, I’ve seen my dream house right here with my hosts, Anne and Don Hartman.

I’ve learned so much from them… I learned marriage doesn’t have to be a depressing destiny. Being married is a blessing, and it’s a partnership. Couples take equal responsibility for their family’s welfare. Couples discuss future steps and make decisions TOGETHER.

I’m living in a house where a child can speak his/her opinion without fear of getting beaten. My family in Iowa doesn’t need a cane or stick to make their kids respect them. Instead, they teach them in various ways. Sometimes, there just has to be an understanding in the family — especially between the man and the wife — to enable any kind of discipline to serve its purpose in a house.

I respect and love my culture and country, but I think things need to change in order for us to progress.

When I go home, I want to share my obtained knowledge not only with women who want change but with other women too, so they can see we deserve better. I even want to share my new ideas with men, so we can create a happier and more comfortable place not just for women, but for the whole family, while still respecting the men.

We can achieve this if we keep an open mind. If we can mix our culture with our knowledge, we will move forward. Creating a better home and community for equal men and women.

I believe women have the right to be equal to men. We have the brains to work and to be anything we want as long as we get an education. We dont need men to prove that. Women have a right to an opinion and to make decisions. She can be a king or a president.

And men can also be good cooks if they learn.